It’s funny.  I know of people who have this characteristic and they unleash it on other people in their lives.  As in, things must be perfect in my eyes or else.  Do it my way, or else.  And you know what?  I feel sorry for them.  They truly spend a lot of time and energy being so wound up.  They worry.  They fret.  They get angry.  And I find that it tends to hemorrhage into their daily existence.  What a waste of a life.

So, before you sit back and wonder who or what I am talking about, I’m talking more about me.  No – I am not the person that has to have everything perfect from others.  Seriously, I don’t care at all.  What you do with your time or stuff or resources is your business.  But my struggle is what I expect from myself.  Perfection. 

You’d think I’d have a smaller ass.  Ha ha.

I don’t spend hours worrying or fretting.  I don’t waste energy with anger.  Instead, I whittle away my days doing something again and again and again until it is just right.  And, at the end of the day (between you and me), it is never right.  I just get to the end of my time limit and accept the fact that it is just “okay.”

So the reason I have chosen today to focus on my perfectionism: my yearly calendar.  It’s only the second year I have done one, but I find this year I am really struggling to get it nailed down.  I can’t settle on the pictures, and when I do, I feel like I should work on them more because they aren’t just right.  And then I start on the quotes.  Which are never good enough.  I always think I can do better.  I could just make it easy and use quotes from real people; famous people.  But no.  That’s a cop-out.  I would only do that if I truly believed that their quotes are better.  And I don’t.  Unfortunately for myself, I think my quotes are pretty spectacular.

And so here I am – looking for “perfect” in a world that I, admittedly, enjoy in disarray.  There’s probably a self-help book I could read that would get to the bottom of my neurosis.  But if I read a book for every obsessive-compulsive issue I had, I’d die an old woman surrounded by books.

So, instead, I guess I work on acceptance.  I am this way.  And it is what it is.

Now… back to the calendar.


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