Rain has always been such a defining occurrence of nature to me. Sad times… rain. Happy times… rain. Exciting times… rain. Erotic times… rain. Maybe I associate my most thrilling moments in life with the pitter-patter of those drops against something less permeable.
But… at times I find myself void of anything substantial. It is normally during the winter months from February to April that I find I am most restless. Coincidence? I don’t think so. But, generally speaking, I am quieter, more sullen, more reserved… empty.
I find that I am especially empty right now. Not today, per se… but this time in my life. I feel directionless.
I want to be swept off my feet. I want to be held motionless in adoration. I want to be propelled into possibility. I want to be held as an equal. I want to be walked with into the unknown. I want to be moved past fear. I want to be loved… as a verb, not an adjective. I want to be described in flamboyant terms. I want to sit in silence and know it’s because every moment doesn’t need sound. I want to talk for hours about nothing and everything.
Yeah…. a lot of that is connection with a lover. But it isn’t just that. If it were just about sex, or sexual connection, I could get that anywhere. And I don’t mean that in a conceited way (for once). What I mean is that getting laid is like shooting fish in a barrel. Easy. Requires nothing but the right parts. It’s the connection to something that I am after. Acknowledgement. To feel that “feeling” that every human being craves. The feeling of wanted.
And it occurs to me. There is no rain. That wonderful one-hit-wonder song of the 90’s has always been somewhat of an anthem for me when I feel this way. Feeling empty… no rain. Right now there is no rain, and I am longing for it to pour over me.
So…. No Rain, by Blind Melon. See it here. Yep. It’s the bumblebee girl.
Update the day after this post was written: New song to add that I heard on Pandora on my way into work that was even more poetic: I wish it would rain down – Phil Collins. See it here. I wish it would rain down over me.
Years ago, I made a Rain CD with a mix of songs about – you guessed it: Rain. I think I will resurrect that CD. I need it.