No rain

Rain has always been such a defining occurrence of nature to me.  Sad times… rain.  Happy times… rain. Exciting times… rain.  Erotic times… rain.  Maybe I associate my most thrilling moments in life with the pitter-patter of those drops against something less permeable.

But… at times I find myself void of anything substantial.  It is normally during the winter months from February to April that I find I am most restless.  Coincidence?  I don’t think so.  But, generally speaking, I am quieter, more sullen, more reserved… empty.

I find that I am especially empty right now.  Not today, per se… but this time in my life.  I feel directionless.

I want to be swept off my feet.  I want to be held motionless in adoration.  I want to be propelled into possibility.  I want to be held as an equal.  I want to be walked with into the unknown.  I want to be moved past fear.  I want to be loved… as a verb, not an adjective.  I want to be described in flamboyant terms.  I want to sit in silence and know it’s because every moment doesn’t need sound.  I want to talk for hours about nothing and everything.

Yeah…. a lot of that is connection with a lover.  But it isn’t just that.  If it were just about sex, or sexual connection, I could get that anywhere.  And I don’t mean that in a conceited way (for once).  What I mean is that getting laid is like shooting fish in a barrel.  Easy.  Requires nothing but the right parts.  It’s the connection to something that I am after.  Acknowledgement.  To feel that “feeling” that every human being craves.  The feeling of wanted.

And it occurs to me.  There is no rain.  That wonderful one-hit-wonder song of the 90’s has always been somewhat of an anthem for me when I feel this way.  Feeling empty… no rain.  Right now there is no rain, and I am longing for it to pour over me.

So…. No Rain, by Blind Melon.  See it here.  Yep.  It’s the bumblebee girl.

Update the day after this post was written: New song to add that I heard on Pandora on my way into work that was even more poetic: I wish it would rain down – Phil Collins.  See it here. I wish it would rain down over me.

Years ago, I made a Rain CD with a mix of songs about – you guessed it: Rain.  I think I will resurrect that CD.  I need it.

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