Fluent

As I come to the end of March Vocabulary Madness, I realize that I don’t need a month of flowery words to experience the joy of them every single day.

My bliss comes from being able to use my mind, and my words, to create extraordinary images for people.  I love the fact that the people who know me can hear me speak to them through text and emails – even through this blog, if they were to read it.

I love being able to offer some solace in tough times.  I love being able to create flowing imagery, unparalleled visions through the use of words.  I love my analogies.  Like, taking jumbled up french fries and putting them in a pan…. spreading them out and placing them strategically – that is how you cook them evenly.  And, truthfully, it is how you help people understand things.  You have to spread out the message and slow it down for them.  Not because they are stupid.  But simply because the human brain can only process so much at once.

Moreover, I love being able to spell out my concerns in a way that is both pointed and thorough.  That eliminates the need to be emotionally involved or compromised.  Emotions can be helpful but, oftentimes, I find that it just clouds the conversation and makes overreacting too easy.

My words are my shield.  They are my gift.  They are my sword.  And I am fluent, and fluid, in my use of them.

Next month, I am back to music.  Truthfully – I just liked that more.  I can always find ways to increase my vocab.  And I will.  ‘Cause that’s how I roll.  But, I gotta tell you, I am happy to start the 30 days of music again.  Can’t hardly wait!

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Naïveté

Okay.  So I am going to break away from my vague descriptions of my forlorn life to discuss a matter that I find particularly irritating.  People that choose to be deliberately naive.  Specifically – women.  Yep.  Listen, ladies.  I am talking to you.

But first, let me tell you the background to this particular post.  So, there I am at work, working on some stuff for my business on Facebook when I see something pop up.  A facebook-friend says, “Oh my gosh!  I decided not to watch the news because it’s so depressing and I just found out about the earthquake in Japan!  Those poor people.”

Yes.  Indeed.  Those poor people.  TWO WEEKS AGO!

Okay… at the moment I am having to settle myself.  Breathing… breathing.

Let me dissect exactly what is wrong with this scenario:

  • Why on earth would you choose to share that you deliberately keep yourself uninformed?
  • What good are you to those “poor people” if you only talk about it (two weeks later) and choose to do nothing in the way of help?
  • Yes, the news is depressing.  I admire those people who can *not* watch the news, and still stay an informed member of our planet.
  • Unfortunately, this woman is not one of those people.
  • I don’t ever hear guys saying, “The news is too depressing so I don’t watch it.”  Suck it up.
  • Why is she on Facebook, then?  She’s telling me that actual facts about things that are actually happening on our planet in real life are more depressing than, say, your sister’s-friend-from-high-school who just ran over a dog?  Give me a break.  Generally speaking, Facebook is way more depressing than real life.  Just sayin’.
  • By choosing to stay uninformed, you take yourself out of the loop.  Which means that when bad shit happens and you’re the last to know, you can only blame yourself for being so stupidly naive.

Here’s an even further breakdown of my issue (and I know… it’s harsh, but here….we…..go!):

Is the news depressing?  Sure. As a matter of fact, I am of the opinion that the news is designed to control the weak-minded and pressure them into a state of fear.  But, nonetheless, I think it is silly to choose to remove yourself from current events in an effort to stay “happy.”  Happiness is a choice. And no one or no thing can “force” you into unhappiness.  We all feel down, and sad and lonely or depressed.  But if you are that afflicted, get help.  Your issues move far beyond watching the news.
Woman have to work harder and fight more to stay equal in the eyes of society. We do – it’s a fact.  And since I actually do stay abreast of current events, I have read studies and articles to that effect. I don’t think that women are better than men.  We each have a place.  But I do know that we have to work harder than men for the same respect and allowances: in the work place, in society, in the home… everywhere.

It’s women like this who give ME a bad name.  Hell yeah.  I take that shit personally.  (And right now you’re thinking – I should get help.  Duly noted.  I’m already on it.)  I can just imagine this girl, at a party or around the watercooler, and some thing is brought up about current events and she says, “Oh.  I don’t watch the news.”  Hmmmm…..  Can you imagine the head-tilted looks she got as everyone near her silently dismissed her from any conversation of intelligence?

I know some people, some of my best friends, who don’t watch the news.  But it isn’t much to look at the headlines on Yahoo to see what the heck is going on in this wide world. And they do.  Then, there are people like me, who find that Egypt is in upheaval, and do research to find out what the hell is going on.  AND THEN (because this only gets better), I stumble onto this young lady who explains it perfectly.

So… yeah.  Keep that in mind, Facebook lady who I have since unfriended on principle.  And before you fold your arms and sit back in judgement – yes.  I sent her a slightly less scathing message telling her that I think it is her duty as a citizen of planet earth to be informed.

Read the news.  It is more than the latest rant of Charlie Sheen.  It is more than death and destruction.  There are things to know and learn.  For example, having just watched Invictus, I looked into the imprisonment and presidency of Nelson Mandela.  What a story!  It isn’t all bad.  And now, I can have an informed and opinionated conversation about the movie and the man.

God blessed me with a brain, and dammit – I plan on using it every day.  As a woman. As an American.  As a productive member of society. As a citizen of this planet.  It’s not just my right – it’s my obligation.  And it’s yours too.

With

It’s an underrated word.  Under used.  We replace it with “to”.  We say, “I want to talk to you” instead of “I want to talk with you.”

It may seem like semantics, but it isn’t.  There is something fantastically inclusive about the word “with.”

Talk with me. Be with me. Do with me.

I very often disguise the inspiration for my posts; keeping my anonymity intact.  This time, though, I am being a little more distinct, while still keeping a veil of mystery.  ……So at this point, you’ve tuned out.  That’s fine.  I still need to have my say.

There is something about sitting with him.  There is something about being with him.  There is something about his lips with mine.  And I love it.  I miss it, when I can’t have it.  And it seems, at this moment, that I won’t have it nearly as often as I would like.  I don’t even know how to ask him for it.  And that screws with me.  I’m afraid of the rejection – afraid of the truth, maybe.

Being with him is like a drug.  Like my personal brand of heroin.  Addicting and overwhelming.  Just having him near me makes me feel like I am the most important person in the world.  Like, maybe, I am the only person in the world.  I want to share so much with him.  Spend hours telling him what’s on my mind.  What I feel and what I think.  Because, really, he is the only person on the earth that gets me.

And I want it back.  He feels unimportant and has literally said that people aren’t really interested in him.  Or maybe they shouldn’t be.  Wow…. it couldn’t be farther from the truth.  I find him fascinating.  Every single thought is interesting.  Not because it has a great influence on my thoughts, but simply because he tolerates my curiosity.  I can ask anything and get an answer.  And that thrills me more than you can believe.

And dang.  Sometimes I ask the hard questions.  Or push for the tough answers.  How often people do that to pick a fight and I don’t.  I just want to know.  I have an insatiable need to know.  Single-minded to a fault.  And moreover, I need *him* to know.  I need him to know how he makes me feel.  And what he means to me.

He needs to know that “with” has a singularly unique feeling when it’s with him.  And I am terrified of without.  I don’t want to be without him.  Not in that crazy sort of way.  Like, I’ll throw myself from a bridge if I am without.  But simply that my life is brighter with him.  My heart smiles with him.  I feel better and whole with him.

And I don’t ever want to be without.

Sublime

If Tatterdemalion doesn’t mean, at all, what it sounds like- then sublime just might be the opposite of that.

Sublime sounds, to me, just as it means.  Smooth, velvety and unparalleled. Sublime….. ooooohhh yeah.  Like dark chocolate mousse.

I’m a Taurus and it has to be said that I am a Taurus through and through.  A creature of comfort and earthly pleasures. I like food. I like fabrics that are soft and comfortable. The sensation of touch against my skin by a person, or a thing…. sublime. I like all the senses, but touch is by far my favorite – the breeze on my face, the prickle of heat on my skin, goosebumps, caress, pressure, water flowing past my body…. all of it; sublime.

Outside of that is my innate sense of imagination.  What ever lacks in this world I can fairly easily create in my mind. Almost real to me, my dreams are so vivid and true-to-life. I can wake up tired after running in a dream.  I can wake up with a sore back after a tense dream.  And those are just the normal things.  If I have a dream that is even semi-erotic… well, let’s just say that I can tell that, too.

I love living.  And the sublime pleasures of earth are just one of those things that make it worth being here.

Dissonance

dis·so·nance

1a : lack of agreement;  1b : an instance of such inconsistency or disagreement

2: a mingling of discordant sounds

We can all feel it; something just isn’t right in the universe. It seems off-kilter; out of sync; out of harmony. People seem to be snapping and going off the deep end more often… or are they?  Has this been happening all along and it is simply because we are saturated with media coverage that things seem like they are happening more often?

Now, I could devote the entire post to all the reasons why I think the world has gone cuckoo for cocoa puffs.  But the truth is that if you are reading this, you clearly have internet access. It isn’t hard to find reasons why: the latest for me? Millions of dead fish in a California bay. Seriously…. something isn’t right.

Here is what I’d rather focus on- ways to create some harmony in the chaos.  Here is my small list:

  • Pick up trash when you see it on the street
  • Smile at strangers
  • Give a penny to the kid at the store so he can ride the horsey
  • Say things like “horsey” and “thing-a-ma-jig” and “doo-hickey.”  Even when you know the real name of it.
  • Compliment someone on something unexepected.
  • Say “I love you” to someone and tell them why.
  • Look in the mirror and think of one nice thing to say to yourself.  Repeat daily.
  • Pay for the Starbucks of the person behind you.  You will make their day.
  • Pay it forward and volunteer your time.
  • Say thank you to someone for a good deed that made an impact on your life.  Even if it’s been a while, say thank you again.
  • Let someone into your heart – even when you don’t want to.

That list changes and grows all the time.  But for today – that is what I would like.  A little harmonic symphony in my own world.

Insatiable

in·sa·tia·ble

: incapable of being satisfied

It is never ending for me.  Whatever “it” is, the need for it is never ending.

Knowledge: I crave it.  New things, new places, new actions, new limits – I crave the knowledge of them.  I love learning about new things.  It might be a new process.  It might be a new item – a new gadget to mess with (disclaimer: as I get older I find that technology scares me a little).  New places excite me.  Going to someplace new for lunch – for dinner.  Visiting somewhere new.  Taking in the landscape. I love it.  I love pushing myself to new limits.  What can I handle?  What can I do? At what point do I say “stop?” (Hint… I don’t often get to that point.)

People:  I enjoy meeting and learning about people.  Even people I have known for years; I love to learn more.  There is always some new facet of their character that I can understand better.  I can learn likes and dislikes.  And beyond learning is sharing.  I am a people person; I need people.  I like being in public places; I like the crowded ambiance of restaurants; I like being close to people.
That need is even stronger when it is people I love.  I enjoy my family and my friends.  I like spending time with them, sharing and laughing.  It is the thing that makes me tick.

And then – there is the need for connection.  My desire to feel acknowledged or appreciated or loved is, by far, the double-edged sword of this.  It sometimes makes me appear to be desperate, or overly needy.  I feel like, sometimes, I am too intense.  And I wonder what people think of me when I am like that.  I almost can’t help myself, though.  Especially when that person makes me feel so good.  And no… I’m not talking about sex.  Sometimes just being with someone can remove all the doubt and discomfort of everyday living for just a little while.  Laughing and talking… I can’t tell you what type of endorphins that releases, but it certainly does.  I crave connection and then, like a junkie looking for another fix, when I am without it, I sort of crash.  I am a people junkie – what can I say?  I am addicted to connection.

This is the word that defines me.  Insatiable, in every way.

Absolution

ab·so·lu·tion

: the act of being set free from an obligation or the consequences of guilt

It’s funny how we disclaim things, as if they will absolve us from pain or guilt, simply because we’ve said it.  Or that the act of something forgives another deed; we justify ourselves in an effort to convince our own psyche that we are without blame.

The truth is that we aren’t fooling anyone, except ourselves… and sometimes not even then.

The worst part of that type of thinking is the pain that it causes.  Universal pain.  The truth is that the ripples of that type of thinking reach far beyond yourself.  It affects your job, and your co-workers.  It affects your clients.  It affects your friends; it ricochets wildly in their lives, as well.  It affects your children – and let me be clear about something: the imprint on your children will affect their children. And their spouses.

It filters into every single aspect of your life; it seeps into your thought patterns; it makes you crazy from the inside out. And no one is fooled.

The only absolution comes from the freeing of the energy to hold it and own the pain.  But the second you choose to release that, you free yourself from it’s restraints.  You allow it out of your heart, away from your spirit, and you can begin to focus on the things that matter.  Love.
Did I say things that matter?  I lied.
You can focus on the only thing that matters: love.

What pain are you holding tightly to?  How have you justified it and allowed it to control your life? How will you choose to release it today?