With

It’s an underrated word.  Under used.  We replace it with “to”.  We say, “I want to talk to you” instead of “I want to talk with you.”

It may seem like semantics, but it isn’t.  There is something fantastically inclusive about the word “with.”

Talk with me. Be with me. Do with me.

I very often disguise the inspiration for my posts; keeping my anonymity intact.  This time, though, I am being a little more distinct, while still keeping a veil of mystery.  ……So at this point, you’ve tuned out.  That’s fine.  I still need to have my say.

There is something about sitting with him.  There is something about being with him.  There is something about his lips with mine.  And I love it.  I miss it, when I can’t have it.  And it seems, at this moment, that I won’t have it nearly as often as I would like.  I don’t even know how to ask him for it.  And that screws with me.  I’m afraid of the rejection – afraid of the truth, maybe.

Being with him is like a drug.  Like my personal brand of heroin.  Addicting and overwhelming.  Just having him near me makes me feel like I am the most important person in the world.  Like, maybe, I am the only person in the world.  I want to share so much with him.  Spend hours telling him what’s on my mind.  What I feel and what I think.  Because, really, he is the only person on the earth that gets me.

And I want it back.  He feels unimportant and has literally said that people aren’t really interested in him.  Or maybe they shouldn’t be.  Wow…. it couldn’t be farther from the truth.  I find him fascinating.  Every single thought is interesting.  Not because it has a great influence on my thoughts, but simply because he tolerates my curiosity.  I can ask anything and get an answer.  And that thrills me more than you can believe.

And dang.  Sometimes I ask the hard questions.  Or push for the tough answers.  How often people do that to pick a fight and I don’t.  I just want to know.  I have an insatiable need to know.  Single-minded to a fault.  And moreover, I need *him* to know.  I need him to know how he makes me feel.  And what he means to me.

He needs to know that “with” has a singularly unique feeling when it’s with him.  And I am terrified of without.  I don’t want to be without him.  Not in that crazy sort of way.  Like, I’ll throw myself from a bridge if I am without.  But simply that my life is brighter with him.  My heart smiles with him.  I feel better and whole with him.

And I don’t ever want to be without.

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