I’ll be missing you

30 days of music – Day 24: Name a song you want played at your funeral

People think I’m crazy.  Generally, people think I’m crazy.  But this one is a big ole’ reason.

I half-jokingly say that I want to pay people to sit in the pews at my funeral and openly cry for me when I’m gone.  Funerals are the opposite of weddings, I think, in the feeling.  But love is the constant.  Even funerals that aren’t of someone close to me, I cry every time.  Seeing or feeling that hurt… that pain.  It affects me very deeply.  Even knowing that someone is mourning; it breaks my heart.

So back to my funeral… I am sometimes desperate to know how I have affected someone’s life.  I want to know that I’ve made an impact.  I want to know that my place in someone’s life meant something.  I want to know that I was loved.  I want to know that I was important.

It is my opinion that my purpose on this earth is to leave every person a little better than they were when I came to them.  Whether that’s through friendship, the sharing of happy energy, or just a smile to a passerby on the street – I want every person I meet to be happier in some facet.

I am also of the opinion that you can gauge the impact of someone’s life on others when they pass by how long they are mourned.

It is unfair to expect every person to tell me that I have made their life better.  Which is okay.  I take the opportunity to tell people how important they are to me, which is fine.  As long as they know they are appreciated; as long as they know they are loved… that is what warms my heart.

Someday, hopefully many many many years from now, my spirit will sit in at my funeral. (**Side note: I am just saying out into the universe – I must be cremated.  Please don’t bury me.)  I will be there, and I will watch.  And my brain and my heart, inside my human body, wants to see people crying.  I’ll know, then, that I mattered.  But I suspect, when that time comes… I will want to comfort my loved ones.  I will want them to revel in our memories, and feel wrapped in the love that (I hope) will be my legacy.  I hope they will hear my voice and my laugh.  I hope they will feel me near.

The song I chose is “I’ll be missing you” which was a tribute to Biggie Smalls, done by P. Diddy was back in the day.  I don’t know that is the song I want played, but it is the song I think of.

There are others, but all “funeral songs” seem so trite and over done:

  • Time of your life – Green Day
  • One Sweet Day – Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men
  • Anytime – Brian McKnight
  • Once – Van Halen
  • I’ll be there – Jackson 5
  • You’ve got a friend – James Taylor

I live my life, today, for my funeral 100 years from now.  I want to know that I’ve made the world a more loving and happier place.

Maybe I’m not so crazy after all.

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