Learning to be patient

Have patience. All things are difficult before they become easy. ~Saadi

Patience has never been a virtue of mine.  I have always been…. impulsive, for lack of a better word.  Driven… maybe that’s a better word.  ….Intended.  That’s probably the  best word.

It isn’t that I don’t think things through, as impulsive would imply.  Instead, I tend to over-think things to the point that I am absolutely convinced of my direction, and it is that which guides me.  Intended.  That’s me.

But, relationships and situations have required me to grow a new skill: patience.  Never been a strong suit.  Never.  Even when I was young, and we were planning a trip, I’d be the one packed weeks in advance.  Literally.  Weeks.  I’d know what I was going to wear; what I was going to take.  Everything nailed down.  As I got older, I learned the list method.  I’d make lists.  I knew exactly what I was going to pack.  And then, several days in advance, I’d pack it.

I’ve found, however, that you can’t always plan for everything.  Some things… many things, are out of my control.

Let me be clear: I hate that.  I’m not a control freak in the traditional sense of the word.  I know people who are.  Everything’s got to go their way.  Things have to be done their way.  Life has to be lived their way.  That’s not me.  Not even at all.  But I do like knowing I am an influencer.  I like knowing that my influence can persuade or dissuade someone.  I like knowing that my hand plays a part in the outcome.

*sigh*  I am, however, learning to let things be and develop over time.  Let things play out.  Not everything needs to be decided right now.  I have forever to live.  I should enjoy the moments in between the milestones.  I should relax and not worry so much about everyone and everything.  I know that what is going on in someone else’s head isn’t a reflection of how they feel about me.  It’s just circumstances.  It’s just… life.  And it will be better.

There are things worth waiting for.  I’ve always known that – even if I haven’t always demonstrated that knowledge.  And for all of my intention and all of my impatience, I can learn to be better.  I can wait.

I will wait this out.  I know that it’ll be okay.


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