You might be shocked to hear that I actually suck with timing. I have the absolute worst timing. Ever. Ever in the history of ever. Once, many many moons ago, I felt the need to tell a friend that I was annoyed with her. Over something that, at the time was monumental, but in hindsight wasn’t a big deal. Then, the very next day, I find out that her world came crashing down. I apologized, but in the end, I can never take it back. I know that. And what I said wasn’t that bad. I mean, it was how I felt and I have this disease that compels me to say everything I’m thinking when, or around when, I’m thinking about it. But did it need to be said right then? Maybe. Maybe not. I was afraid of losing her. She and I had been drifting apart. And she ranks (and has ranked) in the top 5 people in my life since we were 14 years old. I couldn’t stand the thought of her not being my friend. So, out it all came. I said what I had to say, felt better that, in my opinion, I told her. And then… (insert loud explosion sound here). Everything came crashing down. And I turned out just to be the bitch in an otherwise terribly difficult situation.
It’s bad. I know this.
Well, wouldn’t you know it? It happened again. Different person, but the same stupid mistake, I’m afraid. So when they are giving out “Worst Timing Awards”, be assured, I am the namesake.
I won’t give details, because the truth is that I feel miserable over it. And re-living what I said, and why I said it, only lends itself to me feeling worse. Did I say anything that I didn’t mean? Nope. I meant every word. And I did my very best to say it in a way that was non-accusing and, to be honest, even pleading a little. But, because life just likes to fuck with me this way, I said it just before my poor friend’s world came crashing down.
And I’m an asshole, now. *sigh* So there you go. Today, it feels miserable to be so communicative. I only wish I could’ve eaten those words for that. much. longer. Maybe this would be a different post.
That is all, today. Carry on.