On a clear day you can see forever

It is with a great amount of joy I tell you that the fog is gone today. I feel so much better – like myself, for a change. I don’t know how long it’ll last, or whether or not this is just an illusion of delirium (since I’ve been struggling so much lately), but I am feeling better. Empowered. Stronger. Maybe the meds are finally adjusting. Maybe this is just a good day.

I couldn’t tell you why. I just woke up that way. Like the days when I am down, I can’t put my finger on the difference. Especially when things are good, I especially don’t want to foul it up. So I wish I knew what the big difference was.

I did drink milk last night. Apparently milk contains opiates and, while the internet tried to convince me that I was addicted to dairy, I’m convinced that it was just a craving.

Wait… what? Addicted to dairy? Yep. Not even kidding. I typed in “dairy cravings” and this website came up that said that I could possibly be addicted to dairy. No joke! It appears that too much milk makes me a dairy junkie. I *might* as well be doing heroin, except that milk doesn’t require a needle. So that’s what sold me on it. That and the fact that I can take my opiates dairy in many forms: ice cream, cheese, sour cream, yogurt. Heroin comes in only one form: misery. So I’m sticking with the dairy. Maybe it’s just me. But seriously, anyone considering heroin should try a glass of milk, instead. No nasty needle marks AND you can make it chocolate milk, if you’re feeling wild.

I’m feeling like anything is possible. Today, at least. If a turtle had more faith in possibility, or just more faith in general, could he run faster? Who said that turtles are doomed to sloth? And if we had named a “sloth” a “zippy”, is it possible that he’d be a little quicker? Right now, I’m totally blowing your mind, aren’t I? Aside from the physiological dictations of each species, my point is that we allow ourselves to be boxed into a label. Someone, somewhere along the line, told us that we were worthless. So we own that and carry it around with us. Just one little thing on our back. Then, another thing: we’re stupid. Onto our back it goes. Add another. And another. And before you know it, that one rock has turned into a shell. And we hide under it. Our “limits” become our protection.

I say screw that! I’m nobody’s turtle. I am whatever I choose to be. I’m bright. I’m funny (admit it… you smiled when you read the whole sloth/zippy thing). I’m pretty. I’m capable. And anyone who says differently is full of crap.

Today is clear. I can see for miles. And I’ll proceed as far as I can. Stay tuned. You never know what’s around the corner for me, or for you.

P.S. A special shout out to Brian Christensen and Guapo who were unrealized angels sent to me. You were pivotal in today’s mood shift. And that goes to show, folks – there is power in kindness. Lift a stranger up today. Be nice. It’ll mean the world to them.


5 thoughts on “On a clear day you can see forever

  1. LOVE it! Beautiful post!

    Don’t be anybody’s turtle (or sloth, or any other title), and don’t listen to the lies of that destructive bastard, depression.

    Just keep taking your opiates–er, I mean dairy, and reminding yourself you are loved, you are valued, and you are in control of your own destiny.

    Good points on the heroin, too: it requires a needle, and it doesn’t come in chocolate, so on those two points alone, it’s inferior to milk!

    • Celexa, Xanax and milk: The breakfast of champions.

      Thank you, Brian. It’s one of those days when I feel unstoppable. And the demons/voices/depression is hiding. I must’ve dairy’d it into submission.

      I really appreciate the support. I’m trying to “hear” myself when I say the good things and ignore whoever it is that is saying the bad things. The good voice is louder today.

      And I’m suddenly realizing that I sound even crazier. 😉

  2. Wonderful! Glad you’re feeling more like you! The joy is shared.

    And kudos for working in the turtle thing – I was a little afraid of the forms it might have taken.

    ” I’m bright. I’m funny (admit it… you smiled when you read the whole sloth/zippy thing). I’m pretty. I’m capable. And anyone who says differently is full of crap.”
    Damn. Right. (taking your word on the pretty part)

    k, I have to go sell my 1911 Honus Wagner card for my dairy fix.

    • I know. It’s kind of a cool thing to have people unsure of where I’m gonna take them (in reference to the whole turtle thing). But….given the fact that it was an innocent with such a powerful observation, I meant to do it justice. 🙂

      And I’m only regurgitating the “pretty” part. I generally don’t think I’m a dog, but I’ve been told I’m pretty. I feel like if I say it out loud, maybe I’ll believe it today. 🙂 Anything’s possible. (I actually have a whole post on how “pretty” means something to a lady when people say it. “Beautiful” is an overused adjective when it’s applied to people, I think. Tell a girl she is pretty, she’ll remember that forever.)

      Thank you for your kindness. The world is a little brighter when my faith in humanity is restored.

  3. Pingback: The dairy-addiction saga continues « theflameinside

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